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the weed be letting you know

Chris Tucker: Smokey

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Smokey : I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job. and you ain’t got shit to do.

Craig Jones : We ain’t got no sugar.

Smokey : No sugar? Damn. Y’all ain’t never got two things that match. Either y’all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.

Smokey : I got mind control over Deebo. He be like “shut the fuck up.” I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.

Smokey : Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don’t give a fuck.

Smokey : Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You fuckin’ up the rotation.

Smokey : Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.

Smokey : Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Craig Jones : Man, it’s the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

Smokey : Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.

Smokey : Damn! Mrs. Parker finer than a motherfucker.

Smokey : [quieter, but still audible] When you gonna let me *fuck* Mrs. Parker?

Mrs. Parker : What you say, honey?

Smokey : [after Craig knocks out Deebo] You got knocked the fuck out, man! Give me my goddamn money.

[Smokey takes $200 from a knocked-out Deebo]

Smokey : Payback’s a motherfucker, ain’t it? Nigga!

Smokey : Pow! Pow, Pow, POW!

Red : [punches Deebo as he’s getting up and takes chain back] My grandmama gave me this chain!

Ezal : [slowly walks to Deebo] Deebo? DEEBO! Man, you shoulda been bobbin’ and weavin’! Look ‘it at ya! GET UP! Since you ain’t, maybe I’ll take these shoes!

[struggling to take Deebo’s shoe off]

Ezal : Big. foot. motherfucker, you can *have* ya knife! ‘Cause I *STEAL*, I don’t *KILL*.

[Pastor Clever drives up as Smokey rolls a joint]

Craig Jones : Put that out, man, here come the pastor.

Smokey : For what? Probably smoke bud too.

Pastor Clever : How ya doin’, Brother Craig? How ya doin’?

Pastor Clever : Um, say, um, by chance is Sister Jones in?

Craig Jones : Nope. Neither is Brother Jones. They both at work.

Smokey : [under his breath] Where yo’ ass need to be, nigga.

[he starts rolling again]

Pastor Clever : ‘Scuse me, brother. What we call drugs at 74th Street Baptist Church, we call a sinny-siiiiin-sin.

Smokey : [singing] Well, ’round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty-twen-twen. niggaaaaa!

Pastor Clever : Why don’t ya just give me a little bit for my cataract.

Smokey : You didn’t put in on this, man.

Pastor Clever : It’s better to give than receive, my brother.

Craig Jones : [looking across the street at Mrs. Parker] Look, look, look, she bendin’ over!

Pastor Clever : Lord have mercy! The Lord is my shepherd, he know what I want. Excuse me, brother.

Pastor Clever : Mrs. Parker! Mrs. Parker! Can I talk to you for a minute, Mrs. Parker?

Smokey : [to Craig] Told ya. The weed be lettin’ ya know. evil lurks.

Smokey : Why you not goin’ to work?

Craig Jones : I got fired yesterday.

Smokey : No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.

Craig Jones : I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o’clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.

Smokey : The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?

Craig Jones : Hell, no, ain’t got me on tape. But they said they did. Fired me on the spot. Talkin’ about pressin’ charges.

Smokey : Goddamn! You’ve got to be one stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.

Smokey : [at the ice cream truck] What’s up, Big Perm. I mean Big Worm?

[Smokey taking a crap outside]

Smokey : You better not tell anybody man.

Smokey : Keep it on the down low.

Ezal : Alright brother. Damn.

[Looks around and yells]

Ezal : Hey, Smokey back here taking a shit!

Ezal : Well, I won’t tell anybody else.

Red : [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn’t y’all help me!

Smokey : [slouching in his chair] Man, I’m high.

Red : Man, that’s fucked up. If it was y’all, I would’ve helped y’all.

Craig Jones : What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke’s backyard?

Red : [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.

Smokey : [after breaking into Stanley’s house] We got about two hundred dollars.

Deebo : *I* got about two hundred dollars.

Smokey : [sees Big Worm drives away] Florida Evans-looking motherfucker.

Smokey : Why don’t you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin’ on his head.

Craig Jones , Smokey : [after they see Red’s black eye] DAAAAAMN!

Smokey’s mom : Smokey, get me some cigarettes.

Smokey : Well, give me some money.

[Smokey’s mom gives Smokey a dollar]

Smokey : Wait, this isn’t enough.

Smokey : Man that fool just playin’ man, I ain’t trippin.

Craig Jones : That’s yo problem. Aint’ nobody playin’ but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin’. He aint’ playin’ you think he playin’ ’bout his money? He know where my momma stay know where you momma stay. He say he had a gun when you seen him right?

Craig Jones : Well name one person in the hood that play like that!

Smokey : I’ve been smokin’ ever since I was two.

Smokey : I won, gimme my money.

Smokey : [on phone] Yeah, I got your money. And I don’t appreciate you sendin’ your punk ass, busta ass, Jheri curl wearin’ ass friends come down here to shoot at me and my homie. They’d like to got dealt with.

Big Worm : First of all, don’t be callin’ here like you some straight up “G”, ’cause I’ll cut your balls off and hand ’em to you, partner. I had to warn you too many times about my money, Smokey. You see, it’s the principle of the whole thing. There’s principalities in this.

Smokey : Yeah, well. I got your money anyways. And you sell that shit yourself next time, ’cause I’m goin’ to rehab. I’m through with this shit.

[hangs up, then lights a joint]

Smokey : [to the viewer] I was just bullshittin’! And you know this, man!

Smokey : You know Craig? Craig got fired!

Big Worm : What the fuck that gotta do wit me?

Felisha : I need to borrow your car right quick.

Smokey : What kinda shit is that? Most people wanna borrow sugar. Or even ketchup. You wanna borrow my car? Hell naw! Get the hell on.

Felisha : Well, let me borrow a joint.

Smokey : You need to borrow a job. With yo’ broke ass. Always trying to smoke up somebody’s shit. Get the hell on, Felisha.

Felisha : I’ma remember that.

Smokey : Remember it. Write it down, take a picture, I don’t give a fuck!

[realizes she can try her luck with Craig]

Craig Jones : [not bothering to look at her] Bye, Felisha.

Felisha : Damn. Y’all stingy.

Craig Jones : What I’m trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it?

Smokey : I don’t know. That’s my only problem.

Craig Jones : Big Worm gonna fuck you up.

Smokey : Big Worm ain’t gonna do a goddamn thing, man.

Smokey : [tearing through Craig’s open bedroom window curtain] Break yo’ self Fool!

Craig Jones : Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch that window you climbing in fool ‘fo you get blasted on.

Smokey : With what? You ain’t got nothin’ man.

[pointing his Glock at Smokey]

Smokey : Man, Where you get that from?

Craig Jones : Fuck you! He he he

Smokey : Come on outside man, and stop playing.

Craig Jones : Gotta get dressed.

Craig Jones : Don’t tell me to hurry up!

Smokey : [calling Big Worm on his phone] Hey um, did somebody. page Smokey?

Big Worm : [v.o. on phone] Don’t play dumb nigger, you know who the is! You got my money?

Smokey : I ain’t got it, but I’m gonna get it.

[Big Worm hangs up]

Smokey : Man he just hung up. I think we better stay in the house.

Ezal : Smoke, buy me a 40oz for my birthday.

Smokey : Today your birthday?

Smokey : [about Red] He gonna cry in the car.

Smokey : [after smoking marijuana in the car with Hector and his friend, he finds himself running down the street in his white A-shirt and white briefs] The next thing I know, I was runnin’ down the street in my damn drawers!

Joann : Smokey, I need you to go to the store and get me some cigarettes

Smokey : Give me the money

Joann : [she hands smokey one dollar]

Smokey : Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait a minute, what’s this? This ain’t enough

Deebo : Come on Smoke, Stanley left his window open.

Smokey : I can’t I’m on probation.

Deebo : Stop being a bitch and come on.

Smokey : Not a damn thannng!

Hector : [while smoking with Smokey] Hey, hey, hey! Take it easy, holmes!

Smokey : I know what I’m doin’, man! Shut the fuck up!

[Hector and his friend laugh at him]

Smokey : [talking about Mrs. Parker] Damn, I’d knock the dust off that pussy!

[Big Worm arrived at Craig’s house and Smokey comes to him. The license plate says “Big Worm”]

Smokey : What’s up, Big Worm?

Big Worm : How much you got left?

Smokey : Man, I got to lot.

Big Worm : You still ain’t sold that weed, Smokey?

Smokey : Man, I’m trying to, Worm. Niggas are broke these days.

Big Worm : I don’t think you’re applying yourself, Smokey.

Big Worm : You’re smoking my shit?

Smokey : Hell, no. Fuck with your shit? Hell, no.

Big Worm : You’re smoking my shit?

Smokey : Man, why would I do some shit like that?

Big Worm : I don’t want have to fuck you up, Smokey. Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions.

Smokey : Worm! You’re the last brother money, I’d mess with. I’ll steal from my mama before I mess with your shit. Now you know this, man.

[begins to leaves and drives away from Smokey]

Craig Jones : Man what took y’all so long?

Deebo : This foo was scared man, he didn’t even.

Stanley : [Interrupts Deebo and talks very irritated to Craig, Smokey and Deebo] Look fellas. I’ve asked you nicely, but now I’m getting very irritated. For the last time, would you stay off of my FRIGGING GRASS, PLEASE!

Smokey : Al’right man, sorry.

[Smokey gives Stanley the middle finger and Stanley falls]

Пятница (1995) Chris Tucker as Smokey